FriendshipRevisited
by JAGfreak
Summary: A retake on Harm and Mac's chat in his Apartment.
1. Default Chapter

Author: JAGfreak  
  
Title: Friendship ...Revisited.  
  
Disclaimer: don't own it.am not making money off of it. Would I own it given the opportunity??? OH YEAH!  
  
A/N: This is my take on how the scene in Harm's apartment could have gone.w/ alternating POV's..hope you enjoy!  
  
Harm's Apartment North Of Union Station (Harm's POV)  
  
((Intro()*is playing his guitar, letting his frusteration out through his music* Fired.with no job and no idea what the future might hold, he can only hope that everything will turn out alright. His friends, colleagues in the JAG office for years he had not spoken to in months..5 months to be exact. Bud and Mac had tried calling, but when he WAS home to hear the phone ring...his pride kept him from answering. Although, he did call Bud to congratulate him on the new baby.  
  
He missed his old life, but his resolve was to move on and forget the past..and he was doing a pretty good job of it so far. His pain existed only in the memories of his former life..but then...why could he not escape them in his new one? Why was it that everytime Mac's voice came over the answering machine his heart broke all over again? He wanted to forget her..and forget the pain she had caused him..but she was making it increasingly difficult. He had even considered moving..or changing his number, anything to guarantee his sanity.  
  
It was almost if he was forcing himself to change..to be someone who could move on with no attatchments..to break free from everyone, start over...and be happy..but his heart denied him that luxury. Still though, his mind kept telling him to try harder..and maybe..just maybe ..he could.  
  
***BACK TO THE STORY**  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I hear a knock at my door..so, I stop playing and cross the room to answer it. I am totally unprepared for what I see. There stands Mac...the very person I had been trying to avoid.I thought I'd never see her again. God, I've missed seeing that face...But yet, I have half a mind to slam this door in her ungrateful face.  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I knock and wait; I had heard him playing his guitar, so I know he is home...*sigh* for now. I hated not knowing whether he was safe or risking his neck in some dangerous mission for the CIA.well, I hated a lot of things these days: I hate walking over to his office to enjoy some friendly banter as usual, only to be greeted by the sight of Sturgis occupying Harm's chair. I hate the fact that the man I considered my best friend is no longer even speaking to me. I hate that he could so easily forget me and move on, and yet his name is always on my heart and soul. I hate the fact that I now call knowing that he won't answer, but yet am content with just hearing his voice before the beep...needing to hear it..missing it.wanting it...Yes, I hated a lot of things these days.  
  
He opens the door..I fake a smile and say:  
  
"Took a chance you'd be here." I let my eyes travel over him quickly, checking for anything that has changed..anything I'd missed.  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I force myself to smile back as I say arrogantly:  
  
"Well, ..where else would I be?"  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
"Out of town?..I've left 17 messages in the last 5 months." I try not to let the pain creep into my voice..I fight the urge to ask emotionally :'Why haven't you called me back you bastard?'  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I know Mac...believe me, I know..I've got them all memorized by heart. I smile and say:  
  
"Yeah...I guess I have been gone a lot." I then open the door wider and move to go sit down in the living room, knowing she will follow.  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
That's the understatement of the year..I pick up the box of files and come in, shutting the door behind me and setting my umbrella on the top of his book shelf. I decide to just get to the chase..so I say it as bluntly as I can:  
  
"I know you're mad at me.." I hold my breath..waiting for his answer.  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
*thinks sarcastically * 'Well, isn't that the understatement of the year?' I decide to be nonchalant.  
  
"I'm not mad at anybody."  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
Denial. ..I then ask him bitterly: "so..what? You just decide to move on . leave the rest of us behind? I walk to the coffee table and set down the box.  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
*thinks sarcastically * Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell her what she's won! I respond by saying: "I'm just trying to get on with my life, you know?"  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
JUST ADMIT IT, DANG IT. I tell him again in other words: "Look.I.I know you're upset."  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
I'm getting angry now..what'd she come her to do? Pick at my wounds? See how much pain she was able to inflict? Well..she wasn't going to get what she wanted. I shoot back angrily:  
  
"You don't know ANYTHING about what I'm feeling!"  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
Yeah, well..why is that? Because you shut me out and won't even talk to me!!!! I scream at him in my head. I calm myself before giving him a pointed look and saying:  
  
" I would know.If You would TALK to me."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
Yeah, right.like I'd do that after the talk we had in Paraguay. I can still feel the sting of your words. I deliver a blow of my own before taking a swig of my beer:  
  
"Hey..I thought we'd done all our talking.you made that pretty clear."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
ouch. That hurt.I'm through talking.it's only increasing the pain in my hear; Let's get down to "why" I'm here.well, more like my excuse for being here..I straighten my jacket and move to sit in the chair diagonal from him.  
  
" I need your help. You remember Cmdr. Imes?"  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
'Go ahead.change the subject. I knew there was some hidden agenda for you being here anyway.'  
  
I smile arrogantly: "Beat her six times running."  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
'God, he's so arrogant..and sexy..' *snaps out of it*..I smile:  
  
"Not that you were keeping score..Well, I have bad news.all of her cases are being overturned."  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
Now, I'm confused:"Why?"  
  
*Mac*  
  
" She's not a lawyer."  
  
*Harm*  
  
*chuckles * "I could've told you that.I'm kidding."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
He can be such a child sometimes. I tell him seriously: "She never passed the Michigan Bar."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
*gets serious* "Really?..so now they're reviewing all her cases?"  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
"Yep." I get up and open the box, pulling out a bunch of case files. "Harmon Rabb's Greatest Hits." I hand them to him.."So, will you help me?" I sit back down and ask teasingly: "Or do you have some secret mission to fly?"  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I just glare at her incredulously before asking:  
  
"Webb didn't tell you?"  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
I smile smugly: "We don't spend a lot of time talking about you."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I wear a disgusted look and say bitterly: "That's a surprise..He  
canned me."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
He's fired? Webb canned him?  
"What?.But,I just saw you all over the t.v."  
  
It dawns on me  
  
."ohhh."  
  
.I give him a sympathetic smile before asking:  
  
"He really Fired you?"  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
Does she enjoy hearing me say it or something? I retort bitterly:  
  
"Yeah..ask him next time you two are together, it will give you two a  
chance for a little pillow talk."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I'm not going there with him...I glance at him again.letting my eyes  
take in his handsome features, missing the closeness that we once  
shared..I allowed myself to be vulnerable..just for a split moment,  
and I ask softly:  
  
" Do You ever miss it?"  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
yeah.no.yes...I wish I didn't.but I do. But, I don't dare tell her  
this:  
  
"Being a lawyer?"  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I gaze at him intently and reply:  
  
"Everything." Me, Harm, me.I need to know..da** it.  
  
*Harm's POV *  
  
Yes.I miss everything.and who's to blame for that? I did it for you  
...I did it ALL for you...and da** it I miss you.  
  
"Things change Mac." I can feel the hurt my words cause as soon as  
their out of my mouth.and I'm ashamed to say that it feels good.  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
I try not to let my hurt show..da** you Harm.I can't do this.I need  
you.  
  
I say softly: "so I've noticed...and I don't like it."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I take a deep breath.'Is she really willing to go there with me right  
now?' Cause believe me, I have A LOT to say!'  
  
"Too bad." I say more sharply than I intended..I continue in a sad  
voice: "You can't have everything you want Mac..that's something I've  
had to learn."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I close my eyes slowly, turning my face slightly away to hide the  
tears threatening to spill.  
  
"Harm." I try to protest, but he cuts me off.  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
"No Mac, I'm not finished!" I'm raising my voice now, but I don't  
care. "I give up my career for YOU, hop on the first flight I can to  
go to God-forsaken Paraguay for YOU, am willing to risk my life for  
YOU, and what do I get in return?!? A front row seat to "kissing  
101"!!!  
AND then, do I get a simple thank you?!?!?! NO!!!!!! .You demand I  
tell you why I came, although the answer was so 'in your face' you  
CHOSE not to see it!!!  
YOU KNOW, I thought 'Actions speak louder than words' applied here,  
but apparently not!!!  
I KNOW I was wrong for trying to put off what we'd put off for so  
long already..BUT YEAH, I am scared as heck of screwing things up that  
I don't even want to try!  
And then you deliver the blow!!!! You run a knife through my heart!!!  
What I did isn't good enough! NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT WON"T BE GOOD  
ENOUGH!!!! YOU SAID THERE WILL NEVER BE AN "US", AND AFTER PARAGUAY I  
HAVE TO AGREE!!!!  
THEN I COME BACK AND THE ADMIRAL DISMISSES ME AND YOU WATCH ME PACK  
UP MY STUFF AND LEAVE AND STILL YOU DENY YOUR PART IN ALL THIS!!!?!?!  
WELL, LET ME CLEAR IT UP FOR YOU, I DID IT FOR YOU!!!! I DID IT ALL  
FOR YOU!!!! AND THE WORST PART IS I'D GLADLY DO IT AGAIN!!!!! DO YOU  
LIKE TO SEE ME HURT?!?!? DO YOU LIKE TO MAKE ME CRY?!?! YOU ASK ME IF  
I'M UPSET??? YES I AM.. AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE!!!  
  
I am up out of my seat by now and staring out my window, letting my  
angry tears run down my cheeks.  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I have been crying ever since he started yelling, but by the time he finishes.the realization of how he felt and how big of a mess this was hit me hard..and I was sobbing.  
  
I say emotionally through my sobs, shaking my head "no" again and yet again. "No Harm.No...No.I don't. Please Harm..don't think that of me. I don't deny my part in this.I blame myself.I do Harm.God, I hate myself for what I've done to you..what I've done to "us"."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I close my eyes painfully, brushing away my tears with my hand.  
  
I reply quietly and with a hint of bitterness:  
  
"Do you miss me Mac?"  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I calm down and whisper quietly: "More than you'll ever know.."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
I let bitterness evident in my tone as I retort: "you know, that's funny b/c Bud.told me that you said you didn't."  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I look down guiltily:"I.I..was hurt Harm..I didn't mean it.I miss you so badly I find it hard to breathe."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
"I'm "unpleasant"?" I ask angrily.  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
I can't take it anymore.I love him.I need him.I need to touch him.to know that he's really here..but I can't...the damage is already done.  
  
"at times" I say wearily.  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
"I'm tired Mac, I believe you know where the door is." I start to walk past her to the bedroom.  
  
*Mac's POV*  
  
*stands up blocking his path and coming almost nose to nose with him* Tears are running down my cheeks as I whisper:."I miss you Harm.God knows I do.I know you're hurting..and I am too."  
  
*Harm's POV*  
  
"You can't possibly imagine the hurt I feel, Mac.."  
  
*Mac's POV *  
  
I interrupt him before he finishes: I look him straight in the eye and tell him emotionally: "I can't stop thinking about you, when I'm awake I hear your voice echo in my thoughts as memories of us together play out in my head, when I'm asleep I dream of us together only to wake up and remember how it ended..but more importantly how we ended..and cry the rest of the night. I can't concentrate at work, and am making stupid mistakes..I call Webb by your name on accident..and I was beaming like a kid at christmas after just a glimpse of you holding that girl on ZNN. YOU are imbedded in my soul.I can't escape you or the memory of you.I'm so sorry Harm...so so sorry.*starts to cry again* I want to thank you for saving my life..but, without you it's not worth living..*I gaze intently into his eyes* I'm in love with you, Harm."  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: I'm not sure if I'll post more.but, we'll see. Please Review and let me know if you'd like more!! 


	2. Catherine Gale's Arrival

Friendship..Revisited  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: nope, I don't own them... but maybe that's what those 2 really long boxes are under my Christmas tree. Lol.  
  
Harm's Apartment (Harm's POV)  
  
what? What did she just say???.I just stare into her eyes.temporarily speechless.  
  
A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts and gaze. I cross the room to the door and am surprised to find..  
  
Harm's Apartment (Mac's POV)  
  
Catherine Gale?!? What's she doing at his apartment? I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes and cross my arms defensively across my chest.  
  
Harm's Apartment (Harm's POV)  
  
I smile at her as I open the door a little wider.  
  
((hey..you busy?))  
  
"umm..a little." (( *sees Mac standing a few feet behind him* "I could come back later.."))  
  
Harm's Apartment  
  
(Mac's POV)  
  
Wow.this is awkward. I need to get out of here...I should've known we'd never have our "perfect moment".  
  
"No, that's ok Mrs. Gale.I was just leaving." *spots her pregnant belly* OMG, *gets angry* they slept together and he got her pregnant??? Are they together??? And, I just told him I was in love with him? Oh God, I'm such an idiot. *grabs umbrella and brushes past Harm through the door, ignoring the pleading glance he is shooting her way*  
  
(( *enters and shuts the door behind her, ignoring the glance Mac had just given her*))  
  
THE END for now  
  
Sorry about the small chapter.Update coming soon if you like it..let me know.BYE! 


	3. Blowing Off Steam

Title: Friendship.Revisited.  
  
Author: JAGfreak  
  
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be on the safe side.)  
  
Chapter 3  
  
A/N: So, I hope you all are having a merry Christmas. I know I am. Just a little present from me to you cause I had a little extra time on my hands. Merry Christmas!  
  
*****************JAG HQ-Mac's POV**********  
  
I didn't get much sleep last night. I just couldn't stop thinking about everything and how I was ever going to be able to even look at Harm again. I know one thing though, I do NOT want to be faced with talking to him about what I said last night. UGHHHH! I'm so stupid..why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut??? It's served me well for 8 years! But immediately after saying this..I have to take it back. I have weighed the burden of loving him without knowing his feelings for far too long...but now, after being so humiliated..I wonder if it would've been better to keep it to myself.  
  
So, with nothing better to do than to lie there on my bed and ponder the humiliation that had been and was probably to come.I decided to go into work early to get a fresh start. And, Here I was at my desk...sitting, and pondering about the humiliation that had been and that was probably to come. Pathetic? Oh Yeah..that was putting it mildly.  
  
Last night when I had arrived back at my apartment, I was fuming. I ranted to Jingo for a good 45 minutes before heading to the kitchen to seek comfort from a few friends of mine..Ben and Jerry.  
After consuming a pint and a half while watching some sappy movie on lifetime, I was left with a bad stomach ache, puffy eyes and an empty box of Kleenex. But, I think I've done a good job of pulling myself together..no one would ever know what a state I had been in. It's amazing what makeup did for my puffy dark-circled eyes. After that, I just took a couple spoons of pepto.and all I was left with was a bruised ego and a broken heart.*sarcastic shrug*.no biggie.  
  
The office was quite..just me and PO Jennifer Coates on the entire floor. She was busy typing away at her desk, while I was sitting in my office pretending to have something to do.  
  
I can't believe Harm is having a baby...with another woman.*buries face in hands* nothing will ever be the same....I hate him! I hate him because I can't hate him! And now I'm not making any sense....  
  
****************JAG HQ-Harm's POV***************  
  
I walked into the bullpen, determination in each step. I had tried to call Mac several times last night, but for some reason...she wasn't picking up. I was in a very good mood when I woke up this morning, and since then I can't stop whistling. There is something so indescribably perfect about knowing that the woman you've loved for so long, has secretly loved you back.  
  
Sure, I was still upset at her...there were sooo many things to talk about. But, I was determined to talk with her as soon as possible. That's why I'm here ..I'm not used to seeing the bullpen this empty.the lights off.I've never been here early.  
  
I drop by my office briefly to shed my coat, cover, and briefcase before heading off in the direction of Mac's office.  
  
The door was shut, and the blinds were closed...big Mac warning sign. I stood there for several seconds, contemplating my next move..head and heart soon got into a fight..and as the Admiral will tell you, I am run by my emotions...so needles to say I knocked on the door.  
  
************************JAG HQ-Mac's POV********************  
  
Oh great...what could anyone possibly want from me this early? I say angrily: "It's Open."  
  
**********************JAG HQ-Harm's POV****************  
  
I open the door and walk in, shutting the door behind me.  
  
"Hey." I say softly while standing there, arms folded.  
  
I can tell she has been crying...  
  
*************************JAG HQ-Mac's POV**************  
  
crap. This is great, this is just great. I don't need this right now....now or ever. I look down at my desk, unsure of where this conversation would go.  
  
"Hey..."  
  
*********************JAG HQ-Harm's POV***************  
  
I clear my throat. "Mac?..we need to talk."  
  
********************JAG HQ-Mac's POV*****************  
  
I retort nonchalantly: "About what?"  
  
*********************JAG HQ-Harm's POV**********  
  
I stare at her intently: "come on Maaac, last night...my apartment.."  
  
********************JAG HQ-Mac's POV*****************  
  
I look up, and say bitterly: "Yeah, Catherine Gale showed up just in time.."  
  
*********************JAG HQ-Harm's POV*************  
  
"What does Catherine have to do with this?"  
  
********************JAG HQ-Mac's POV*************  
  
I fold my arms across my chest and continue on in a bitter tone:  
  
"She's very beautiful Harm, I'm happy for you..really. Now, if you'll excuse me I have a lot of work to get done."  
  
*******************JAG HQ-Harm's POV***********  
  
I wear a puzzled look. what is wrong with her??? Did I miss something?????  
  
"Mac..what's going on here? Care to tell me what this is all about?" I start to walk closer toward her desk.  
  
******************JAG HQ-Mac's POV*************  
  
I glare at him angrily and stand up from my chair. I raise my voice a little too loudly at him and say:  
  
"Harm, I don't have time for this right now!" I get up and walk around to the side of my desk. I stare at him and he hasn't moved. "Did you NOT hear what I just said?" I'm getting very emotional at this point but I'm trying ever so hard to keep my tears at bay. I take a few extra steps to my little book shelf, pick a law book up and pretend to look for something in it.  
  
*********************JAG HQ---Harm's POV******  
  
She's just a few feet away..looking through a law book, and ignoring my completely. What's wrong with her??? She's obviously very upset. I get exasperated and say in an angry voice: "OK MAC, times up.tell me what the he** is going on."  
  
********************JAG HQ-Mac's POV***************  
  
My anger escalated to the boiling point at his words and I look at him and angrily shout:  
  
" What's going ON??? What's going on??? I'm talking about you and Catherine, Harm!!! Tell me, just HOW LONG have you been screwing her?!?"  
  
I walk past him angrily, shoving the law book into his folded arms at his chest on my way to the door. I choke through my emotional state as I get in one last comment:  
  
" Congrats on the new baby.I'm sure you two will be very happy together."  
  
*********************JAG HQ-Harm's POV*************  
  
I stare at her back, speechless...she thought....thought Catherine and I were??? How the he** could she think that?!?!?!?! I place the book calmly back on her shelf and turn to her and say angrily but softly:  
  
"Catherine and I are friends. The baby is NOT mine. And though It's NONE of your business, I have never "screwed" her."  
  
I walk past her and grab the door knob, leaving as soon as possible and slamming the door behind me.  
  
***********************JAG HQ-Mac's POV*************  
  
Tears fall down my cheeks as I stare at the shut door..I collapse into the nearest chair and sob. Forget the damage I had just caused to an "Us"....I may have just ruined what was left of our friendship..  
  
THE END for now. Let me know if I should continue.. 


	4. Hostilities

Friendship.Revisited.  
  
Author: JAGfreak  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Chapter 4-Regrets  
  
***************JAG HQ-no POV's this time************************  
  
It had been a few hours since Harm had slammed the door in Mac's face. Those in the office had noticed both of their co-workers attitudes and thought it best to stay as far away as possible.  
  
Now, At the staff meeting they have not even so much as glanced at each other and no friendly banter is exchanged when the Admiral assigns them both to work on a case together aboard the Seahawk.  
  
The Admiral must have noticed, because he takes off his glasses and rubs his forehead in a frusterated manner before glancing at them both and asking:  
  
"Is this going to be a problem for the two of you?"  
  
Mac shifts her gaze from the case file on the table to meet the Admiral's.  
  
"No, sir." She says wearily.  
  
The Admiral notices the behavior that is so unlike the Colonel he knows and he makes a mental memo to call her on it later. His gaze then shifts to the Commander, who is idly tapping his pen on the table.  
  
"Commander.does this present a problem?" Harm glances up through his eyelids and replies firmly:  
  
"No, sir."  
  
The Admiral puts his glasses back on and clears his throat.  
  
"Ok then, you both will be leaving on a COD from Norfolk Naval Base tonight at 1800"  
  
Both the Colonel and Commander nod, and when the meeting is over Mac is first to grab her stuff and head off for the comfort and solitude her office and closed door offers.  
  
Harm watches Mac retreat to her office and sighs..this was not going to be an easy feat to overcome. He was upset at her..God, he was upset at her.But, nonetheless they both had a job to do...they had to investigate a fraternization case in less than 10 hours.  
  
Harm sighs and heads off towards Mac's office. He knocks firmly, determined to be professional about this.  
  
Mac mumbles "come in." and Harm walks in to find Mac's head buried in her folded arms on her desk.  
  
He shuts the door behind him and stares at her for a moment before speaking.  
  
"Colonel?"  
  
Mac looks up suddenly, having forgotten someone was there. She notices that he's pulled out ranks...that alone assures her that she's really screwed things up. That thought makes her want to cry not to mention that when she meets his gaze her heart breaks all over again.  
  
She quickly looks away and replies sadly:  
  
"Yes, Commander?" "I think it's best we get together sometime before leaving for Norfolk to discuss the case and our thoughts on the evidence thus far." Harm says unemotionally.  
  
Mac just nods and then says: "OK. My place then say..1500?"  
  
"That would be fine." Harm replies.  
  
Mac softens her tone and half says, half whispers:  
  
"Listen.Com..Harm.about earlier..I didn't.."  
  
"Colonel, let's just keep this as professional as possible..ok?" Harm says, trying not to get angry.  
  
Mac just nods sadly and turns back to her case file, and Harm quietly slips out.  
  
THE END for now...  
  
What will happen to them on the Seahawk??? Will they be able to work together??? Can they keep this professional? And, just how badly have they screwed everything up?!?!? All this and more ..next Chapter~~~~~ 


	5. Formalities

Title: Friendship.Revisited.  
  
Chapter 4-Formalities  
  
Author: JAGfreak  
  
******************************Mac's Apartment**********************  
  
'1455' Mac thinks as she puts her bags by the door. ' Which means Harm should be here in.oh 10 to 15 minutes.' Mac had become used to her partners habit of being late, and always allowed him extra time.  
  
Mac crossed the room to sit down on her couch and think about her day thus far; She couldn't help but bury her face in her hands with a scowl. The day had definitely made a turn for the worse when she had opened her mouth and accused Harm of sleeping with Catherine Gale. She had been so quick to assume, so quick to judge, so jealous, so.........unlike her.  
  
Mac had never been one to jump into things without thinking them through first, analyzing, weighing the options, possibilities..but of course we would also argue that Mac had ALSO never been so much in love. The kind of love that she herself had once described as an "Anecdote to instincts." How right she was.  
  
Looking back, Mac still couldn't believe what she had done and the tone and anger she had done it with. She had hurt him...she was fully aware. But she had been hurt too..seeing Catherine with him and thinking that she might have the family with him that she herself had always wanted..Oh yeah, it hurt..it hurt like he**.  
  
Even though she was relieved she was wrong, a small part of her...just a SMALL part...wished that she had been right..that he was the bastard she had treated him as. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so guilty and horrible and such a dissapointment to him....  
  
She snapped out of her thoughts with the knock coming from her door, and with that she crossed the room to open it.  
  
When she did, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him..the way the black shirt clung to his tanned and toned upper body, had her wishing she could run her hands up and down him, maybe plant kisses over his chiseled abs..'STOP' Mac scolded herself in her head and forced a small smile at him, hoping he didn't notice the flushed red of her cheeks at finding herself thinking those types of things with him standing before her.  
  
********Meanwhile, Harm was trying to keep thoughts of his own at bay, at seeing her in just jeans and a red t-shirt..a rather low cut t-shirt, when Mac snaps him out of it by speaking.  
  
"Hey.come on in."  
  
Harm walks in, shutting the door behind him and laying his uniform out flat, which is hanging up so it won't wrinkle, over one of Mac's chairs.  
  
"Hey.."  
  
Mac crosses the room to take a seat on the couch, pulling the case file onto her lap and opening it. Harm follows suit and sets down his bag, before crossing the room to sit on the couch also leaning back against the arm of the couch so he can face her.  
  
"So, Lt.Kelly Johnson and Cmdr. Michael Sanderson have been charged with fraternizing on the USS Seahawk..It's a pretty interesting story. Have you had a chance to look over it?" Mac asks.  
  
"I just glanced over it." Harm says absent-mindedly while staring at her intently.Mac doesn't notice this though..she's too busy reading over the case. He catches himself and looks down at the file just as Mac looks up at him..letting herself stare just a little, before dropping her gaze back to her file.  
  
"Well,they'd worked together on the same ship for a little over 5 years...shared mutual attraction, became close friends, and while on liberty when the ship was in port 3 months ago..they became lovers." Mac says.  
  
"How were they found out?" Harm asks.  
  
" That's just it..there was a problem..a big one..Cmdr. Michael Sanderson was married."  
  
"Ouch." Harm comments.  
  
"So," Mac continues. "They carried on their romance until Lt.Jacobson started pressuring him to file for divorce or she'd end it."  
  
"Isn't that just like a women?" Harm teases. "It's all or nothing."  
  
Mac glares at him. "Isn't it JUST LIKE A MAN to be unfaithful and not take responsibility for his actions?"  
  
Harm smiles teasingly and rolls his eyes..forgetting his anger towards her at the moment.  
  
Mac just rolls her eyes in response, glad he can atleast joke with her now. "Anyway.Michael refused and broke it off with Kelly, insisting that he could never leave his wife and small child. Kelly, broken-hearted and angry went to their CO Captain Ingalls and told him of their involvement as a way to get back at him...not caring that it would damage her career as well."  
  
"Wow...tough break..., she must have really loved him." Harm said seriously.  
  
"yeah.." Mac says deep in thoughts of her own.  
  
"So, we're supposed to defend both of them?" Harm asks.  
  
"Yeap...both would like to stay in the Navy if at all possible, and Michael says he's willing to be transferred." Mac answers.  
  
"In the end..Kelly and Michael both, really don't get what they want."  
  
"That's what love does to you..I guess." Mac says, a hint of sadness on her tone.  
  
"I can't help feeling a bit sorry for the Lieutenant..not that I condone her behavior, it's just sad..she must have cared a great deal for this guy..she just made a brash decision because she was hurt." Harm says casually.  
  
"She should have thought first about the consequences of her actions." Mac says, knowing this conversation isn't about the officers at all. "I mean, she was understandably hurt that the Commander didn't feel the same way about her...but that's no excuse."  
  
"I think she was wrong in assuming that...I think that the Commander is in love with her..but he just can't act upon it because of the circumstances."  
  
Mac's breath catches in her throat..'could he be talking about himself just a little bit? He can't be Mac..stop torturing yourself.' Still, Mac decides to push the conversation on.taking a chance.  
  
"So, you're saying if things were different...they'd be together?" Mac asks softly.  
  
Harm looks up to meet her gaze.  
  
NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON!!!!!!!!! Please review and let me know what you would like to see happen!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bye! 


	6. Back To The Drawing Board

Chapter 6  
  
Mac's Apartment  
  
Harm swallows nervously and slightly nods in the affirmitive. Mac just stares at him, not sure what to do or say..trying to think of something that won't bring the conversation to a screeching halt. They hold each others gaze, unable to look away when Harm feels himself leaning in. Mac sees this and her breath catches in her throat, her heartbeat feeling as if it will beat out of her chest as she too leans in.  
  
They are so close, Mac can feel his breath on her face when.. the phone rings. They are both broken out of the spell they've been under, and both sit back a little and stare at the other, wondering about what had almost happened between them.  
  
Harm is first to find his voice. "You.uh.you better get that."  
  
"Yeah..." Mac curses her luck as she reaches for the phone on the coffee table. By then, the answering machine has already picked up.  
  
"You've reached the machine of Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, leave me a message. BEEP!...  
  
Mac decides to just let the machine get it...  
  
"Hey Sarah.it's Clay. I'm in town for this week, and I was wanting to see you. I miss you. Well, just give me a call. I'll talk to you later beautiful, bye" *click*  
  
Mac groans and wonders how this could be any worse.she sits back down on the couch with a sigh, her eyes briefly shifting to Harm's.  
  
Harm clears his throat, upset at being reminded of her and Clay's relationship. "So..how IS Clay?" "Fine, I guess.he's been out of the country a lot lately.We haven't had a real chance to talk.It's really not work-" Mac says softly."  
  
"Trouble in paradise?" Harm asks bitterly, cutting her off.  
  
"Harm.grow up." Mac says angrily, surprising even herself. " You know, I keep thinking that one of these days you'll get your head out of your six and start acting your age and not your shoe size.You just don't get it do you, did you hear me out at all last night??? You know what, forget it.I was right.this will never work and we are being foolish in letting ourselves believe otherwise."  
  
The End for now...  
  
A/N-well, they're back to "hating" each other, this should be an interesting sea hawk adventure. Please Review! 


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